From the Memoir: Malala’s First Return to Pakistan after the Attack
An excerpt from Finding My Way by Malala Yousafzai.
When I arrived in Birmingham for spring break, I told my dad we needed to go to Pakistan. If my college friends could visit during their holidays, I deserved the same right. I felt impatient; it seemed like if I didn’t go now, I never would.
“Let’s put it off until summer,” he said.
“If you want to wait, that’s fine. I’ll go on my own,” I replied, daring him. “I will book my own flight, leave this house in a cab, and call Moniba when I land to pick me up.” Deep down, I wasn’t that brave, but I wasn’t sure my dad knew that — it might give me some leverage.
Every time, the answer remained the same: “It’s not the right moment for Malala’s return.” My dad had heard it so often I feared he was giving up.
“It will never be the ‘right’ moment!” I exclaimed, trying to kindle his resolve. “I am a Pakistani citizen with a valid passport. They have no grounds to stop me.”
I sounded angry, but inside, my heart was breaking.
At 24 Observations, I had experienced more reminders of home—through food, music, sports, language—in a few weeks than in the past five years. That reawakening was painful, like blood surging into numb limbs.
I was done stalking my old friends on Facebook, done wandering streets on Google Maps. I couldn’t keep dreaming of home at night and waking disoriented every morning.
Author’s Summary
Malala expresses a deep yearning to return to Pakistan, confronting delays and fear while rediscovering her homeland’s essence painfully and vividly.
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